After cancer, I didn’t shrink. I expanded.

I stopped trying to outrun death, and began moving toward life.

When I was gifted a harmonium from a shaman visiting from New York in the spring of 2019, I took that as a sign that I was on the right path.

Once I opened my mouth and started singing, I haven’t stopped. I dove deeper into mantra through a Yoga of Sound teacher training. I wanted to understand why chanting mantra felt so healing, and how I could share it more knowledgeably with others.

I also took music in a different direction and bought a keyboard so that I could learn to play more current songs and accompany myself when I sing. I jam with friends and have sung in occasional open mics.

I have found joy and peace through both styles of singing.

I became curious about what else supports the body back to health. That curiosity led me into a deep dive into nutrition and the systems of the body through an intensive regenerative health training. It was empowering to learn what helps the body flourish and what contributes to its decline.

More tools for my toolkit, not because I feared getting sick again, but because I want to be as healthy as I can to enjoy this life and all its parts. Not from fear. From choice.

Then at the age of 50, the most incredible and unexpected thing happened. My favourite sport, ultimate frisbee, which I hadn’t played in over a decade because it wasn’t available where I lived, suddenly returned to my life. A great group of people coming together each week in a nearby town, new and experienced people, and I couldn’t help myself but try to play again.

I had been farming, walking and practicing yoga for years, so I didn’t have the cardio for running that I used to. I began running a day a week to rebuild my lung capacity, and joined in. I huffed and puffed at first, but my skills came back, and my cardio increased. And I am having SO much fun.

I never thought I’d play again, and I LOVE that I can. It lights me up. And the fact that all three of us (Orrin, Oliver and I) play together adds another layer of joy. Not to mention, Orrin and I met on a frisbee field in Sacramento in 2000.

Around that same time, 2024, we built a gazebo on our land overlooking the gardens and pasture. It’s a place that I love. I practice yoga there and sometimes take my computer up there to work during warmer months.

Last summer was the first season it was fully complete. I hosted my first women’s circles and kirtan up there as soon as the final touches were done. Women practiced on their mats while listening to the cows in the distance, hearing the rustle of the wind in the trees, and seeing animals on pasture nearby.

This aliveness is what I want for other women too.

The diagnosis that once felt like an ending became an initiation.

I wasn’t just healing. I was becoming more of who I was meant to be, as the layers of fear were peeled away.

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Stay tuned for Part 7!

Photo: beautiful souls in the gazebo with me last summer.